by Tiberius » Fri May 07, 2004 9:12 pm
Bluehayze,
Thank you for your kind words, you've treated me with more respect than most I've come across and I appreciate it.We've probably crossed paths before, I still feel you were probably Vitellius.I've largely given up on CPL.I still read there and post occasionally but I find it pretty hostile to a large extent and there's alot of people who just plain anger and annoy me.I've considered not posting anywhere public altogether. In the past year or 2 I've posted primarily on private mailing lists, places with alot of people whom I don't know tend to make me nervous. You are correct that I am not very trusting.
Your basically correct about the rest of what you said too. I'm well liked by everyone I know and just about every teacher I've had has said I was their favorite student and alot seem very intrigued by me.My holocaust teacher has become particularly fascinated with my ideas and wants to hear more of my spiritual theories(not sure how much I'm willing to tell though).If I could be fitted into a stereotype it'd be that of the strange,solitary, straight A student. I've never been in trouble at school, though I have had alot of social emotional problems to the point where I've been sent to many pyschologists and medicated(for various different things). My friends also have alot of problems and strange beliefs(one believes he is the chosen savior of the universe).
I get along very well with my family but they aren't really supportive of my beliefs.They think something is seriously wrong with me and discourage me from expressing my beliefs in public lest people think I'm insane. I am more likely to speak to people online than those around me because I like to keep emotional distance and am not comfortable telling people these things if I must interact with them on a regular basis.
I'm mostly harmless, your right about that. I've never been in a fight but if I am to be honest I must admit I have major anger issues and tend to be pretty mad most of the time. I've come close to getting really violent on a few rare occasions but luckily did not act on it.
Loving and trusting people as I've mentioned is not easy for me. I feel emotionally cold and isolated for the most part. I've never been in a physically intimate relationship or dated or anything and have very little sexual desire.I'd probably be considered repressed and have gender issues.I'm generally uncomfortable around others.According to my progression to the end of my present life my lesson was to learn to trust and feel love again.I needed to regain the ability to experience love and happy trusting relationships, something I haven't done much of in the last few lifetimes.This life is suppossed to be one of healing through self awareness. I feel that was the purpose of my last life but I didn't achieve it and now things are worse.
Your correct that my last few lives have been very traumatizing but I think I told you that already awhile back.Not counting parallel lives all my lives in the last 150 years have ended through violence, one through suicide and my last through torture all ending at a young age before my present age(20).I realize I've been on a self destructive path my last few lives and haven't functioned well.Unfortunately this remains a problem.Hopefully this summer maybe I'll be able to find a regression therapist or something. I think I'll be greatly relieved when this life is complete.
P.S.-Several pyschics have said a similar thing as you.Here is one good reading I got.-Moon SemiSquare Pluto: This is a lifetime in which you have chosen to purge yourself of some deep psychic pain and some emotional refuse that you may have carried for quite a long time. Your most intimate relationships, especially with females and with family members are apt to be highly-charged, karmic affairs which churn up some very intense, primal feelings. Experiences of separation, loss, betrayal and abandonment, especially early in life, trigger memories of similar events in your incarnational past. You may find yourself over reacting to situations in the present, and the vehemence of your feelings may seem excessive and irrational. From time to time, you are likely to get swept up in a tidal wave of emotion, the source of which may not be obvious to you. You equate closeness and emotional intimacy with fearful experiences from your past but you are compelled to seek out situations and people who will force you to re-experience much of your unresolved grief, and thus to finally release it. Emotional power struggles and subtle (and overt)attempts at emotional blackmail may be major themes in at least one significant relationship in your life. You may be the black sheep in your family, the one who brings to light some hidden aspect of your family life, discovering and delving into the skeletons in the closet.Periodic emotional crisis and catharsis are likely. You have an opportunity to use these times to greatly accelerate your growth, deepen your self knowledge and heal old wounds. It can be very helpful to find supportive friends during much times,for you tend to isolate yourself. Because of past trauma, you tend to fear emotional dependency or allowing yourself to admit how needy and vulnerable you are. At times, you feel like an insatiable child who can never get enough reassurance, comfort or nurturance. These feelings are difficult for you to admit.You may have very intense feelings about not having your own children (who would bring up all of these issues for you), or an equally deep, urgent desire to have them, in order to some how give them the support and care you need yourself. Both past-life regression and psychotherapy, that addresses issues of the wounded "inner child", would most likely benefit you a great deal. Certain stones can also be worn or carried to help facilitate your process, including: amethyst, malachite,moonstone and watermelon tourmaline.
"If men are immortal, and the soul of Tiberius still lives, perhaps on his journey his face is still turned away from Rome."-G.P. Baker on Tiberius
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